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Introduction To Philippine Culture
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I talked to some Filipinos and Filipinas about it including my house helpers. They feel it is a good idea. And even I believe it will. But I don't think that is the right answer because it would probably work. But you could kill all the naggers too. That would work for sure, but not a grand solution.
The Filipino husbands have been often spoiled by their parents and sisters and expect to be spoiled by their wives. So the wives too spoil them: comb their hair, bath them, cook for them, etc. They put up with their unfaithfulness. If they do this they are considered a good wife. If they don't they are considered a disgrace. A woman who does not honor her husband , be foreigner or Filipino above all is considered culturally insane. A Filipino wife who is provincial will get upset if you carry your own bag. She feels it is her place to carry it for you and if you don't let her she will be embarrassed.
If she can't provide a boy baby, the man has the right to seek a mistress and have another family, if he can afford it. Mistresses can be had on almost any pretext. Why is it like that? Everybody, even women want boy children. If there is one peanut left to eat the boy gets both pieces. The father often pays little attention to the girls and worships his boys, especially the older one, who will carry his name. The girls are sent out to work while the boy's education is first. If money is left over the girl gets educated. The all compete for parental attention, particularly the fathers or kuya who is the oldest boy.
Girls don't get much affection from their fathers, so when they get a man, they most often really appreciate it. They want to touch him, be close to him and care for him. They often are terrified that he will stray, but accept. Daughters often become favorites of there father, because of manipulation skills honed to a fine edge our of necessity. This carries on into marriage.
A foreigner does not have that much leeway as a Filipino man. Filipinas wives expect more from him, loyalty, faithfulness, there idea of the Western man, especially after they have live in a developed Western country and been enlightened by the women there who in my opinion control the country.
As for fat and age, they are both pluses. Age gets respect here. And fat means you can afford to feed your family. Skinny does not make it. I told my present girl friend I wanted to lose some of my belly and she got upset. She was confused and asked Why? Some say this is because Filipinas /os They have a colonial mentality. Their history of domination by the Spanish and then us made them this way. Anything foreign is better than local, including human beings to some of the those really brainwashed.
A girl asked me Do Americans hate liars. I said some do and some don't. I said that some lie a lot so they might scream a lot when someone lies to them. She said she did not believe Americans lied. I said watch me. :)
Nobody wants to be a Filipino. Even the men want to go to the States. I had a couple of young men over here the other day. They were college students, first year, small and dark skinned. They wanted badly to go to the States. They said the women in the States were beautiful. All they see is the movie stars on TV. I told them might not stand a chance with one of these Stars. The said they wanted to try. They knew American women were very liberal and would have sex with anyone. I told them I didn't know that. Filipino men do not marry non virgins.
If a girl is a not virgin they know their only chance is a foreigner. If the have a child they think even a foreigner will not marry them regardless of how beautiful, talented and educated they may be. I saw an 18 year old I know casually at the coffee shop this morning. Her former boy friend gave her a girl child and left for another woman he married. She is stunningly beautiful. She said Is it possible an American would marry me? I said, Maybe. Her name is Jane. Any takers? She works at a bakery making about $25 per month, is a high school graduate and reasonably intelligent, but eighteen. She supports her child and pays for here own maid, a sixteen year old who works for a few pesos a month and food. She does not think she is desirable because she is too skinny. An over weight American girl would give several limbs to have a body like hers.
Do you think Jane is interested in a Green Card? She does not know what one is. Is it money? Yes. But even more she also wants someone who will accept her and love her and her child. A foreigner might. A Filipino man will certainly not. His family would disown him, a fate worse than death in this culture. The problem with Jane is like the problem with bar girls. They have been told by society the have no value. They begin to believe that and have no value. Jane has not gone that far yet, but that is where she is headed and so are many more like her.
So most Foreigners marry the first Filipina they come in contact. They say never will I find another like this one, as good and wonderful caring and as beautiful. Not so. They lurk around every corner. The guy after he has been here a while, says to himself, Why on Gods earth did I marry this one or get married at all. Not that she is not a fine lady, she is a wonderful lady, but now I know what I could have had.
It is a matter of bonding too quickly from a distance. I have counseled guys about this. But they are already in love and you might as well be talking to a post. Later they see the light and say, Oh, why didn't you tell me?
Often the women who are on pen pals lists and you meet on chat looking for a foreigner are women who are smart enough to be dissatisfied. They are often unhappy, are non virgins, have children or really dissatisfied with life in general. I feel it is better to come here, shop around, and find one who would never consider a pen pal list because she is very happy. In my very limited personal experience, the ones on penpal lists generally have emotional problems that are difficult. The hearsay I get gives strong support for my the conclusions I made from my limited experience.
But if you marry one, pen, Net pal or not, who is already happy, contented, you stand a better chance of success. And success is hard because of the usual age differences and vas but not apparent culture divide. They are deceiving like us and we like the, but it is surface only. I don't have the figures but I believe more marriages fail than prosper though you don't hear as much about the failures. Guys brag about what a great Filipina wife they have when it works out. They don't mention it when they have had a bad experience, or at least not as much. And often they know it is not their fault or the fault of the Filipina. Some of the brighter ones come to understand that a Filipina, because she is Filipino, is happier with a man from her own culture, who she can relate to. She really wants someone she can go to the cemetery on Holy Week, the fiesta with and see what she sees, feels what she feels, experiences and enjoys the same things she does.
One who understands that the extended family is more important than the individual. One who understands that you must sacrifice personal happiness for the happiness of the group. One who knows that the town fiesta is not just a bunch of people eating and drinking but the opportunity to visit with people who are a part of you, who you grew up with, who you care about. That all these town mates are her brothers and sisters a lot more than friends.
Now if the girl, woman is insecure, has a poor self image and/or needs status badly, being married to a foreigner may be the only thing that can bestow that status on her. And she will stick with him through thick and thin to keep it. Having the approval of others is the main goal of Filipino life, especially when those others are members of the f-a-m-i-l-y. the extended one. The expatriate is a marginal person here. He is not Filipino. And he does not have his culture to support him. He will never be a Filipino nor does he want to be one. He cannot divorce himself from his culture and will never anything but an object of curiosity to those in the culture he is in.
He is a foreigner first and foremost, and respected for it. But when it comes to serious things he cannot be expected to understand because he is just a foreigner. Life is hard for the foreign male here. Not being used to the culture and attention he becomes confused, disoriented and often turns to hanging around bars with other foreigners who are just as confused as he is. I have seen so many go to drink because of constant stress of being in demand and not knowing why. He is wondering if they want him for his money, for his status or for him. He often ends up hating the country and the people because of the stress.
Fat foreigners, old men, are just not used to being the objects of admiration, status and desire. Others take up more socially acceptable way to deal with their problems. Some get involved in business, community work, and religious activities. Others dwell on sex, a few resorts to drugs. At least one writes a bunch of crazy stuff on Internet mailing list. This is another quick down and dirty essay for you, for what it is worth.
Please remember this, like everything else I write, though I may sound like I am writing gospel, is just one man's opinion. I am wrong as often as I am right. If you were on the list, you may remember I speculated that when the ice caps melted and the sea rose we would have more islands.
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Filipinos do have a unique relationship with the west and share decidedly a heritage of many significant ideas and values rooted in Euro Christian ethics, But their basic traditional social and cultural characteristics contrast sharply with those of western world, certainly the US. The national character and sense of identity is thus complex. And there is a question as to whether or not they even have a national identity. Some believe, as I do, their allegiance does not extend past their province. Some believe it is limited to the extended family. It is certainly stronger within that group.