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Filipina Jealousy, Immaturity, Insecurity, Real OR Imagined?

Dear Rufus,

Your wife is very luck, Rufus, and you are rare. I do know a few thousand foreigners and did know a lot before this list nine years ago. You are on target, lots of guys stray who would not even have the opportunity to stray in their own country, on of the perks of being considered rich and successful even if you are not. Filipinas married to Filipinos put up with this because if they don't they, certainly in the lower economic levels, lose support and may get their teeth knocked out. They know men are men and are attracted to pretty girls and there are so may unattached.

A Filipino uses (tampo), sulking, cold shoulder here, because if she does not, in the lower economic levels again she may lose here teeth if she yelled at her husband, showed him disrespect. If you can't control your woman in this culture you are not considered a man, but a freak, a wimp. And macho Filipino men will not take that, will go to jail fist. But the police are on their sided. Foreigners this does not apply to you. You keep your mouth shut and your hands in your pockets like a good boy unless you feel you are strong enough to play Filipino man. You are probably are not. Very few are.

It is not in our culture, seems cruel, absurd. But women respect Filipino men I guarantee you, more than us.

This being able to manipulate us may be the main reason they want us, not because of money or green card as most like to think, but because they can control us, get respect they cannot get from Filipino men. After all, they are only women. But that is another story.

Very best always,
Don A. Herrington
Philippines, Heart of Asia:
Expat, Foreigner, Tourist Forum of Thousands.


I agree that maturity has a lot to do with it, and so does her self-esteem. Even more important, though, is your actions and attitudes. Do you show her a reason to doubt you? Do you stare at other women/girls? Are you giving her the attention and reassurance she needs?

Secondly, they have good reason, oftentimes, to doubt men regarding fidelity. So many Pinoys like to be with more than one woman, even when married. They are often a bit arrogant about it, confident that the draconian divorce laws and cultural/peer pressure will dissuade the lady from complaining. After all, they've had it drilled into their heads that "marriage is forever" - no matter what. Many Western men have displayed these same unfaithful traits, I'm sorry to say.

In the very beginning, my fiancée was very insecure and jealous. After nearly 2 years and a 7 week visit, she now knows that I'll never stray. It did take a lot of reassurance and lots of sincere affection, though, for her to realize that I'm the real thing!

Best wishes,


Don you nailed it.

Thanks for putting into words, and with much thought behind it, what many of us have experienced with our Filipina partners. But we may not have fully understood. I thought I knew a lot about Pinoy culture from my wife, observation and some reading but I have to say that my glass was only half full before I found this group. Thanks to all you guys living there.


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