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How To Tell If Your Net Girlfriend Is Scamming You?

One of the livinginthephilippines3 members said:

Yes, calling her cell (mobile phone) is a good one, occasionally she will really have a "LOW BAT" but not too often.

It's also very easy for you (just like it is for her) to get a separate email address and send her chats and emails and you'll find out right away if she's faithful. Most of the scammer girls have so many men chatting that they won't know where u came from, just think u came off a chat room, in fact if they ask, just say you saw them in a chat room. It seems kind of underhanded to be doing this but like someone said, It's a new world we live in cyber world.

The Case of Bennie and Sweetlove

It was 1904, shortly after I moved to Cebu City from Angeles City.

On of the List's member's, Bennie, not his real name but close, called me. Bennie told me he was a livinginthephilippines list member, needed some advice about how to get his girl friend to the States with him and if it was a good idea. He wanted to marry her and live here. But she wanted to go to the States, said it would be better for her daughter. I did not agree with that assessment, believe the way schools here teach interpersonal skills and responsibility to family is more just as important as what I feel is mythical academic superiority of the U.S. Schools. But that was not my business so I did not comment. I just invited Bennie over. He asked he could bring his girlfriend and the 14 year old daughter. I said, "Of course. I have a wife and other Filipinas to entertain them while we talk."

At first Bennie wanted both he and the girlfriend to talk with me. I really liked to talk with they guy alone, then the girl, have my helpers, wife, or other Filipina talk to both alone too. Sometime we compared notes and discovered strange inconsistencies, sometimes just misunderstanding. Men and women see things differently, of course, so do Filipinas and American men, Filipinos and American or other Western women. It is a challenge to deal with two cultural gulfs, indeed.

Finally I got Bennie aside and we talked. Bennie was 65 years old at the time, pitch black dyed hair, yet a handsome guy, less wrinkled than I was though I was younger. He could have been an aging movie star. But he was just a regular guy, did a lot of things from long haul truck driving, stock trading, was in a management job for a large industrial giant and picked up a substantial pension there. I had no information on the girl friend, admitting to 40 but looking older, frayed, though well dressed with Bennies pension money. The girl, Judilyn was an angel. Bennie was mesmerized by her. I felt maybe the innocence and brilliant beauty of Judilyn him dazzled to the point he missed the flaws in the mother, Sweetlove. He mentioned Judilyn in awe, “When she see me, she take my hand and hold it to her forehead, Man, what a fantastic child, how outstanding!" I told him later, that was the custom here. That if a child did not do that to someone older to whom they owed "utang na loob”, they would be considered insolent. Children are raised to respect their elders here. And it extends even to there peers. But I guess they are not really any "peers." because of the practice, custom, cultural demand. It reminds me of the US Army, where on Private First Class may have a days seniority on the other guys the same rank he with whom he is bar hopping or taking a vacation even. And he is responsible in part for the deeds of the others. But respect from a child is impressive to an older American, though expected here. I am still in awe sometimes myself.

So, was it the little girl who Bennie wanted or Sweetlove. After I talked with him I could see he had bonded with them both. I knew no mater what I said or did, he would end up in the States with Sweetlove and Judilyn, and maybe they would be happy.

I notice one of my sharpest helper, one who helps me a lot on the website, not house work, was trying to catch my attention. She was only 18 but street-smart, a former student though only one year in criminology. She had been talking with the other girls to Sweetlove. I excused myself, went to talk with her "about the website," I told Bennie.

She told me under her breath, "Sweetlove wants to go to the States to be with her husband there, a Filipinos who is "TNT," there, "Tago ng Tago," (hiding from immigration, "overstayed",) in the States.

Filipinas are like sisters. But the Filipina helper was loyal to me and told me the sad truth. Of course I felt it was incumbent on me to advise Bennie of what I was told, even if not true. I explained first to him that there were so many beautiful women available, might be a good idea to shop around. He scowled at me like I was a pimp trying to sell me a fat old hooker. I mentioned so many young women have young children, even more than one, children much like Judilyn who need help. The scowl deepened, black dyed eyebrows furrowed even more.

I told him best we talk on the phone later. We had finished our coffee. But I would talk to Sweetlove first. She was charming but hollow, did not look me in the eyes. But that is not uncommon for some shy Filipinas. She swore her love for Bennie. Before I asked her she launched into a diatribe about how much her husband abused her and the Judilyn. At this time my helper was corroborating what Sweetlove told her with the daughter. The daughter said little about the father but that she misses him and "mama told me not to talk about him." She did say, "Mama says we will see him when Bennie takes us to the States". My helper said, "Judilyn is in on the plan but really does not understand it, not a bad bone in her body". We both thought Sweetlove had corrupted Judilyn but evidently not.

So I got a call from Bennie, broke then news as gently as possible, could tell how much he had bonded, could tell how sensitive he was. He was enraged, at me, not Sweetlove. What he said to me, I will not repeat. But soon he tired, slammed down the phone. I did not hear from him for a long time.

Two years later he call me, telling me he was back in town. He had a girl he met on the Net again, a really fantastic girl he wanted me to meet. And he said, "Oh, by the way you remember that girl I brought by with her daughter? I said, I think so, Bennie, but that was a long time ago.” He said, “She was a real bad girl. She cost me a lot of money to get rid of. And she had a boy friend too! She and Judilyn are with him now in the States. I will stay here this time, I think. That is, unless Marissa (his new flame) want to go to the States.

I said, "Good luck, Bennie". I felt this one I would leave to the professionals and learned that some guys never learn. In the face of love, loneliness and social alienation so many of us feel in the States when people are nice to us, too often our better judgment falters.

If you are like Bennie and so many others, and me, do be careful. Get a professional involved, someone detached who wants only to help you. And listen to them when they tell you the truth. So many times it is good news. But even if the words sting, take heed. Don't feel you can fix a bad girl by being good to her, showing her some men are really good. I tried that and it did not work; I gave it all I had, money time, effort and emotion. Maybe you can make a purse from a pig’s ear. But there are so many kind loving women who really need you and will love and respect you. Get one of them. You fill fine one were the chemistry is just right for you both. Your best bet is to come over, meet them at churches, social functions, girls working hard in the offices, the stores at the mall, the fast food joints. Most have college education too. And they know older men are more stable, can be counted on. Whomever you find have a disinterested objective party check them out, even though it may hurt. I bet if you are aware, it will not. I can tell you, I am a trainee psychologist. Only a Filipino can tell if a Filipino is lying. I am getting better I am not there.

Jeff at: This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. will have qualified Filipinos, Filipina discreetly find out for you. In the Philippines there is no privacy; here there are no secrets, but from those of a different culture. You need Jeff. I wish he and his staff was available when I need him. It would have allowed me to find my happiness sooner.

July 2009

Filipina Friend and Foreign Bride

Authorities said it would be difficult to determine the crime committed since the scam was committed in cyberspace between the US and Cebu. All this is after the fact, like closing barn door when the horses have run away. But maybe is he like most. So enthralled with his new found love he did not want to know the truth. Please, if you have that problem, don't wait too late.

Watch Out

WARNING: Watch out for Trisha, Janet, Myra and others.

American Guy Gets stung by pros in chat room and tells at least part of the story to help others: New Scam? It is not easy to do for anyone to say I was fooled, scammed, duped especially when it turns out the scam was so obvious. And with the help of an investigator it would not have happened. But the mark said," No, not my girl! Mine is not one of those!"

Guys who get cheated, hurt, lose money, time and suffer the pain and frustration from online romances usually keep there mouth shut. It is reasonable to ashamed they were so foolish. Some are will not even accept it, stay in denial even after the cards are turned up on the table for all too clearly see!.

Timothy Devaney should be thanked for his transparency. Maybe he was angered because of his loss of money more than lose of his Filipina Chat mate. Most men are shattered emotionally too. Net relationships can be as torrid and as deep as face to face, sometimes even more so. Your mind can construct the perfect mate for you, the perfect lover, the perfect friend your dream girl. Such a person does not have to even exist for you to fall hard for her, as we can see from Tim's tale.

True, some are lucky with online dating: no lies, no deception, and honest truth. But everyone does tend to show there best side and play down their worst. Dating can help you to find unless you are very careful, use professional help, Tim was not and did not until too late, you could lose your life savings, even go in debt. And worse you could fall prey to extortionists and scam artists targeting those in search of true love and affection. You can even get set up with an underage girl. You can be met by her and some fake "authorities," who may handcuff you and threaten you with jail. It pays to be careful before the initial meeting. Net cams can deceptive, photos and such. So may of the girls look the same to us, long black hair, and they are masters of make up. But a Net Cam can be very helpful. Be sure to use one. But the girl who can afford to use the Net Cam is likely to have many guys either on the hook or hooked. Of course it is best to come over to search for your true love or just some over and let her find you. But that is a "luxury," many do not believe they can afford. I don't agree but I will certainly admit meeting a Filipina girl in person is not the only way to success.


Tim, 44 years old is freelance journalist from San Francisco, California. He found his Filipina Net Pal and fiancée to be after a 20-year-old Filipina became his online "girlfriend".

He had no idea he was being duped, even robbed until he flew to Manila to meet his Net girlfriend, allegedly nursing student from Mandaue City, August 2006.

Tim did not rush into this. After more than six months of what came to be romantic e-mails and hours of chat loving chat and enchanting chat during which he was charmed, he was astounded to find out that his "Net Filipina girlfriend/fiancée," his love with whom he had been sending substantial to through a money transfer service did not even exist!.

Devaney, being a decent guy, wanting to help others while knowing that all he can now do is warn everyone of the Internet Filipina Girl scam, went to the Makati City Police Department, There he told the authorities of his sad love story.

Tim said he met Trisha de la Torre at a chat room in December 2005. The photo of the stunning Filipina stood out among the others. It quickly let him to the start of their online friendship.

The friendship deepened. And he was please his Net Mate; fiancée to be he had never met in person was a nursing student at a university in Mandaue City, Cebu.

Devaney told Makati Manila police officers he sent her money to buy a cellular phone and other items. And he also paid for her tuition. It was common to send her 200 dollar or 300 through money transfer.

Tim said he sent more than 400,000 pesos during the" relationship" (Maybe it is a lot more. When in love a lot of us don't count coins, happy we can help our beloved, especially if she is doing a wonderful thing like going to nursing school.)

And after a year and a half of chatting, becoming more and more serious, sending more and more money, investing more and more emotionally too, he decided to meet De la Torre. She agreed to meet him last July 27 in Cebu City.

He later found out that the girl of his dreams was not of this world. She was only a dream, or at least only a photo. She is a girl he never talked to, maybe more than one of many.

Devaney, who is stayed in Makati, will go back to go back to the US. He told policeman that he realized he was conned when he saw five other names in the chat room using the same picture of the pretty Filipina.

"I don't expect to get my money back," Devaney told The Philippine STAR. He adding that he found the same girl in several other Internet dating sites like

Dating Over the Internet

Dating over the Internet is the newest romancing trend. It can be the way of finding the girl of your dreams, followed by the "happily ever after" life, or it can be a terrible nightmare, with accompanying emotional and financial disaster.



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