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This begins my inquiry about end of life matters. To get to the point here's the Scenario: I am an American citizen, and have no plans to renounce. For the time comes, my wish is to die, be cremated, leave my remains and a will to the person I love in the Philippines.

Suggestions, comments anyone?

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Answers:

My wife is much younger than I am as is the case with most or many of us here, you too, my wild guess. I would be cremated too, Ron. And she would agree. She respects my wishes, especially about my own disposal. But that would not be consistent with *her* cultural values. Since I am here I will be have a traditional funeral so she can go through the grieving process or "celebration," of my death, if I can use the later term, I believe more appropriate in this culture.

I suggest it may be in the best interest of the Filipinos who love you to have a traditional funeral. And you will not mind at all, of course. All this I say making the assumption that I die before my wife does. But there is a saying, "Bad grass dies last." So you never can tell.

A US funeral director wrote, one who lives here part time and will be living here full time soon:

This is my day for dealing with death. A member just wrote and asked about dealing with the death of a child and about adoption of a child.

Knowing that, I will reply to your post regarding end of life matters.

There are two crematories that I know of in the Philippines (Manila) Area. I went to Houston Memorial Gardens in Sukot, Paranaque, (sorry for the spelling). There cost is or was $195 (or about 9500 pesos in January of 2005). I do not know of the other crematory as I did not need their service. Cremation is catching on in the Philippines. More and more Filipinos are gravitating towards this means of disposal of a human remains.

We all speak of putting ourselves in a shoe box and burying ourselves in a vacant lot. What most of us forget is that we have family that will mourn our loss. Your departure will be tough on your family. Their arm can be easily twisted when your death is fresh. Funeral personnel are taught to twist arm and make sales. This IS COMMON practice is both the USA and in the PHILIPPINES. How many on this group will die?

FACT: All of us will die. A real human will make arrangements for that departure and avoid having his or her family make that arrangement. You can go into the funeral home, in the USA and in The Philippines, and make what is called PRENEED Funeral arrangements. You need not have cancer or be in bad health. Once you have made the arrangements, give a copy to all your kids, your spouse and keep or give one to a best and trusted friend, and unemotional trusted friend.

Have I made preneed arrangements? Yes, both my paternal grandparents had preneeds, as did my father and my mother. I saved $1256 USD by prearranging for my mothers cremation. Money saving is another reason to preneed.

There are many types of service. Burial, donation, entombment, crenation... to name a few. Burial in PI is most common. Cremation comes in several types. Direct with no viewing or service, cremation with no viewing but with a memorial servicen and cremation with viewing and with cremation following the viewing, are examples. After cremation, cremated remains can be placed in an urn, or left in a container given to you by the crematory. The urn and or cremated remains (cremains), can be kept at home, put on display publicly or buried. The cremains can also be scattered.

Roman Catholics should know the Church wishes the remains stay in one container and be entombed in a small receptical or buried. Catholics can be cremated with in the rules of the Roman Catholic Church. The church does not care for scattering or splitting the remains of a deceased. Cremation is usually cheaper in the USA. In the Philippines, it is often the same or more in cost. When arranging a funeral you can shop around. You can shop for a house, car and a wedding, why not a funeral?

Funeral directors have an advantage as few want to discuss funerals and become comfortable with the issue of death.

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One thing that I have not noticed in this thread, is that every year family of the deceased for at least one day and night spend time with the deceased at the graveyard. This is very important for the Filipino. It is saying to the deceased you are gone but not forgotten.

For those looking into buying memorial plots for themselves and their loved ones, you will find that the more shade trees in your area the higher the price. Why? So those that spend time at your grave will not be as hot as if you were not in the shade.

While at a graveyard check out the mauseleums, complete with electricity and water for the relatives. This way of remembering, honoring the dead is new to most westerners, I was surprised when I went that jolly bees, pizza hut and others had set up booths. This not happens only at all saints day, but the sitting by the memorial is ongoing to some on a weekly basis.

For those planning on ending their days here in the PI this is something you need to be aware of. Also, for those who have relatives in the west, you might be surprised how much they care for you, even though they never show it. In the west, (America for myself and that is what I am saying, but maybe it applies to the rest of the west) we are taught to hide our feelings, where as the Asians are not afraid of showing their feelings.

How many times did I say I love you to my dad or mom while they were alive, not nearly enough, but hopefully they understood by my actions. I know that when I die, that my sisters will miss me even though we don't see each other regularly, for the family isn't as tightly knit as the Asian family. That doesn't mean the love isn't there.

My wife and myself have two plots in evergreen memorial park in Muntinlupa for the time that we move on the land of no taxes and worries.

ben

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Hi Ron

When I visited the Ph for the first time ,my intention was to join the boys and have a good time with girls girls girls .I met a girl in a crowd who altho mixed well with her friends never said anything bad about anyone and when I did ,my words just slid off of a oinvisible pane of glass or she would say so and so is my friend,All my life Id measured women by their intellegence but in that respect she was just ordinary Yet she was devoted to her family and friends ,she never made a pass at me yet we always found ourselfs in each others comfortable company .I was hooked Weve been married now for 3 years ,she goes to bed at 8pm ,has turned down offers of signing in Ozzie clubs and takes no interest in financial documents I show her just in case I drop dead

This is probably where you are at too, and many others. My money is allover the world in little bits I might say,the reason for that was over the last 15 years Ive been backpacking. So what do I do ? As we spend time in Oz ,I said that if I died just put me in the garbage or cremate me ,but she wails and says I will be sent back to Cebu to be buried with her family and if I get sick in Cebu the whole family have insisted taht they will nurse me,I mistrusted them at first because they would all say what are you going to buy me for my birthday,but I learnt that the smallest gift is only expected and all PHs say that My UK kids are very well off and couldnt care a damn about me or their mother and I have accepted her family like my own

I think a good plan is to buy a house ,probably with a granny flat for visitors,make out a deed of assignment so that she can take over your accounts on producing your death cert etc or a nominated beneficary so that money is not all concentrated in the PH ..I have a pension wherby the residue will go to her on my death and as she takes no interest in my affairs and would probably share it out with every lame dog as she does now, I,ll arange for that company to pay her interest so that the capital runs out on her 80th birthday .I,d be happy for her to marry again but no guy is going to get her capital .I hope Don and a few others will dissect my ideas ,I would also reiterate the necessity for many of us to find decent lawyers in PH

Gerry.