What do you and your asawa have in common?

[Mr. Lee]

My wife is over 30, 41 now to be exact, and she still has what I would call quiet times, where she gets mad at me and goes quiet for a few hours or a half a day but the main point that I like about it is that we do not get into arguments over BS and in a few hours it will pass. I think it is more about hurt feeling and being sensitive than anything else.

Another point that I would like to metion is that a lot of people may speak emphatically at times, I know I do at times and that caused problems at the begginning and until she realized it was not me yelling at her but just how I can talk at times. Cultural differences can all be worked out if you can sit down and talk, that is what we did and then she no longer got upset when my voice went up a few levels. 

[CanoNoMo]

OMG raise you voice to a filipina? I accidently got over excited once and wasnt even mad, more a rush to get some words out....you would of thought that I had flogged her with a cat-o-nine tails
Her Tampo works wonders on me, I feel like I have commited the ultimate unhuman cruelty on her by speaking sternly with a fast voice, she can make me feel so guilty.
The good thing is she is so kind thoughtful and loving that I easily gave up the need to be heard on certain subjects...I just smile and say"yes Mahal"

Oh ...what do he have in common....She "gets me" as limited as her english vocabulary is, she always knows when Im joking...and I can have a rather dry or sarcastic sence of humor,my ex wife and best friends only know when Im joking half the time I think, but my little Mango Pie never lets one of my jokes slip past without a hearty laugh........agreeing with my sence of humor? that can only be true love.

[revaddict]

My wife is over 30, 41 now to be exact, and she still has what I would call quiet times, where she gets mad at me and goes quiet for a few hours or a half a day but the main point that I like about it is that we do not get into arguments over BS and in a few hours it will pass. I think it is more about hurt feeling and being sensitive than anything else.

This is what kind of bothers me--the whole "silent treatment" thing.  I'm the kind of person who, when there's problem, prefers to deal with it right away and then go on.  I don't need lots of time to think about it.

My first wife (whom I'll be legally divorced from in 12 days) is 42 but she was really good at not acting her age.  And she was good at the silent treatment too.

From what some of you have said, it sounds like Filipinas tend to outgrow the "tampo" thing with age?  Is that true or not?  If so, that would be good news for me because I won't be looking for a super young one either.  I know some of you have ladies who are young enough to be your daughters or granddaughters, and if that works for you, fine.  I'm 40 now and by the time I get around to finding a Filipina I'm sure I'll be at least into my 50's.  I would be more than happy to find a 30- or even 40-something Filipina with some maturity to her.

Paul

[dylanaz]

I know some of you have ladies who are young enough to be your daughters or granddaughters, and if that works for you, fine. 

That 100% completely disgusts me !
I for one... would NEVER look for a wife under the age of 18... or over 18 for that matter 

ok back to seriousity

it sounds like Filipinas tend to outgrow the "tampo" thing with age?  Is that true or not?

It looks like BOTH age AND experience can reduce, modify or eliminate TAMPO. Usually age and experience = maturity. Just keep in mind there are always exceptions to any rule.

[Mr. Lee]

My wife is over 30, 41 now to be exact, and she still has what I would call quiet times, where she gets mad at me and goes quiet for a few hours or a half a day but the main point that I like about it is that we do not get into arguments over BS and in a few hours it will pass. I think it is more about hurt feeling and being sensitive than anything else.

This is what kind of bothers me--the whole "silent treatment" thing.  I'm the kind of person who, when there's problem, prefers to deal with it right away and then go on.  I don't need lots of time to think about it.

My first wife (whom I'll be legally divorced from in 12 days) is 42 but she was really good at not acting her age.  And she was good at the silent treatment too.

From what some of you have said, it sounds like Filipinas tend to outgrow the "tampo" thing with age?  Is that true or not?  If so, that would be good news for me because I won't be looking for a super young one either.  I know some of you have ladies who are young enough to be your daughters or granddaughters, and if that works for you, fine.  I'm 40 now and by the time I get around to finding a Filipina I'm sure I'll be at least into my 50's.   I would be more than happy to find a 30- or even 40-something Filipina with some maturity to her.

Paul

Well Paul, all I can say is then you will have plenty of time to learn the culture and whether you really want to marry a Filipina or not.

Women are women and men are men, and we are all very different. If you cannot accept a Filipina and her culture for who she is, then I would like to suggest that you not consider marrying one. Some Filipinas have quiet times and others may grow out of it, but I would much rather my wife have a quiet time than her yelling or getting forever mad at me like my x-wife used to for no apparent reason. I am not saying that these things happen often with my present wife, as my wife has gotten used to me speaking emphatically at times and as she has gotten used to the fact that I make mistakes, because I am only human, so she has accepted all those, but should I get mad at something and lose my temper, which thankfully does not happen often, then she has every right to get mad back and go quiet, and again I prefer that to an argument. Filipinas cannot be programmed like machines and whether we like it or not they are women and will act like any other women at times,  but the many qualities they have more than makes up for any of their possible short comings IMHO.

A Filipina with a decent education would be a must for me.  My soon-to-be-ex wife hasn't had the level of education I have had, which made it hard to communicate or have an intelligent conversation sometimes.  I don't say that to sound arrogant; it's just a fact I noticed.

Now, the comment you made in the above quoted post troubles me and I would like to comment on it, and I want to make sure that you understand that if you are a stiff person, that even an educated Filipina who has lived her whole life in the Philippines may not be able to satisfy your total conversational needs at times and to me that comment sounds like you may be a type A personality and may have a hard time dealing with the cultural differences. Please understand that I am not in any way insulting you, but I just do not want you to end up miserable or end up divorced again and I just want you to know what you may be getting yourself in for.

Being married to a Filipina who had never been outside the Philippines before she met me has at times been frustrating, from her pronunciation of many words or her possibly not understanding some words or phrases that are not commonly used in the Philippines or taught in their educational process such as the many slang's that Americans use. My wife happens to be smarter than I am IMO and learns at a rapid pace just by watching TV and reading, so I do not want you to think she is uneducated or stupid, but she was surely not worldly when we met and has become more worldly during our 15 years of marriage, yet she still maintains all her great quailties that I fell in love with her for, but based on your comment and my experience with my wife, she probably would not satisfy your intellectual needs even after 15 years in the states part time. So please learn and maybe even find Internet friends to chat with and be sure to tell them the truth, and that way no one has to get hurt. Learn, learn and learn some more and then decide if marrying a lady from the Philippines is for you. I suggest that you join one of the free dating sites and put in your profile that you just want chat mates and that you want only college educated ladies to reply so that you can have equal conversations with them. You are going to have a real awakening IMO, because I know doctors, dentists, bank managers, teachers and other very educated Filipinos and often when conversing with them, there are things they do not understand that I say and things I do not understand that they say or write and because of face, only if they know you very well will they admit they did not understand something you said and let you explain it to them and I am not too proud to ask them to repeat something or explain what they meant by it. After 15 years of going back and forth to the Philippines, I never cease to be amazed by certain things and still do not understand many things that are said and done and probably never will.

[Wayne Coutts]

I said or did something last night and she is still not talking to me, go figure. No indication of what I did, no kiss goodbye in the morning, nothing!

@#&^%$*()&^$%#@ Tampo!

Wayne

[c_a_p_t_a_i_n_r_o_n]

Misundestanding what each other said......

Glo and I have been there

What gets us past it was a phrase we both use "Please rephrase that honey, I didn't understand"

It gives the other  person time to think how ambigous a previous statement was.

[BC Boy]

To be compatible I do not think people have to have everything in common, they just have to be willing to do things with their partners to make them happy and that goes both ways. My wife and I do not have everything in common and while she does like many of the things I like to do, she tolerates others and I do the same for her. Love conquers all and most Filipinas that I have met seem to more easily mold or adjust to our lifestyle and way of doing things. I guess maybe it would be best to not marry someone who is already too set in their own ways. To us it is all about spending time together and not always about what we do during that time. 

What is that song, all you need is love, love, love  If both people takes their time and get to know each other first, then the odds are in their favor things will probably work out for them.

Well said.
I love making her smile, its the commonalities of the heart that do it for me. The rest will fall into place. Its how you adapt to each others interests and if you can over look some of the "incompatibilities". Love finds a way, but both have to be willing to put the other first. A quality that has been bred out of some westerners.


Some things that i find tedious is always trying to explain my idioms. I never realized how much historical culture we use in our speech till i had to start explaing them. Some i couldn't even explain though i knew what they meant hahaah. Reminiscing about the past isn't the same but trading stories is fun. We both have bad memories so we often tell the same story more then once lol. We are only7 years apart in age and what some would consider young.

[BC Boy]

I said or did something last night and she is still not talking to me, go figure. No indication of what I did, no kiss goodbye in the morning, nothing!

@#&^%$*()&^$%#@ Tampo!

Wayne

Hey come on your ruining our love fest

edit to add....i skipped a page lol

[revaddict]

Well Paul, all I can say is then you will have plenty of time to learn the culture and whether you really want to marry a Filipina or not.

Women are women and men are men, and we are all very different. If you cannot accept a Filipina and her culture for who she is, then I would like to suggest that you not consider marrying one. Some Filipinas have quiet times and others may grow out of it, but I would much rather my wife have a quiet time than her yelling or getting forever mad at me like my x-wife used to for no apparent reason. I am not saying that these things happen often with my present wife, as my wife has gotten used to me speaking emphatically at times and as she has gotten used to the fact that I make mistakes, because I am only human, so she has accepted all those, but should I get mad at something and lose my temper, which thankfully does not happen often, then she has every right to get mad back and go quiet, and again I prefer that to an argument. Filipinas cannot be programmed like machines and whether we like it or not they are women and will act like any other women at times,  but the many qualities they have more than makes up for any of their possible short comings IMHO.



Now, the comment you made in the above quoted post troubles me and I would like to comment on it, and I want to make sure that you understand that if you are a stiff person, that even an educated Filipina who has lived her whole life in the Philippines may not be able to satisfy your total conversational needs at times and to me that comment sounds like you may be a type A personality and may have a hard time dealing with the cultural differences. Please understand that I am not in any way insulting you, but I just do not want you to end up miserable or end up divorced again and I just want you to know what you may be getting yourself in for.

Thanks for the observations again, Mr. Lee and everybody else.

As for your comments, Mr. Lee, even though I have Type-A personality tendencies, I am wide open to cultural differences.  I love learning about and experiencing other cultures especially through study of their languages and through contact with the people.  So I don't think Filipino culture in itself would be a problem for me.

You did raise a good point about quite time being better than screaming and yelling.  Considering that my first wife pulled a knife on me, got arrested and then threatened to kill me even after I gave her a second chance, I'd prefer the Filipina "tampo" treatment too!

I realize too that finding a wife isn't like buying a computer where you can put in and take out whatever components you want.  If only it were that easy, right?  And, yeah, I know I've got baggage too that would probably drive a Filipina crazy.

Whatever.  Like I said, I'm in no hurry at this point.  This is all "down the road" stuff for me right now.  I have to get through my first divorce (and the screwing I think I'm going to get in court) and raise my son and figure out a way to get to the RP and retire first.  But I do like hearing all the stories you guys tell about your women.  You inspire me to keep hope and to plan for the future.

Paul

[c_a_p_t_a_i_n_r_o_n]

Mostly love and humour.........I think it's next to impossible to live on love alone.......



Some of the clowning around we do....



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[dylanaz]

I said or did something last night and she is still not talking to me, go figure. No indication of what I did, no kiss goodbye in the morning, nothing!

Its ALWAYS US... that cause the Tampo !  SO thats another thing me and my Asawa have in common... we BOTH admit its always me that causes tampo 

Im just Lucky that my Asawa does not do it often....
The last time was just AFTER I read this post... so I KNEW I DID SOMETHING !!! I just didnt know what ... so I traced my steps for the day AND FOUND WHAT I DID !!!!

OH MY GOD!!! It was soooo funny ... ok heres what happened...

1. An ExPat from USA asked for a ride EARLY EARLY EARLY in the morning to take him to the ATM... so I asked my wife if she wants to wake up and go or stay asleep.. she said SLEEP
2. I wrote her a note with my cel phone on it and put the cordless landline on top of the note... It just said basically "Im taking my friend to the ATM machine - Call my mobile if you need - MAHAL KITA!"
3. On the way out the door she decides to join us! OK - so all is fine and dandy...
4. We get back late that night... but 1/2 way thru the day I call our yaya who arrived around noon and ask is she wants anything - nothing was needed so I told her theres a note with my mobile number on it if she remembers anything thats needed around the house.
5. The next morning there was this TAMPO... the semi-silent type of TAMPO... so I had to figure out what it was....
6. After searching the house I find my note crumpled up... OOPS ! I never put my ASAWAS NAME ON IT ! And she heard me tell the yaya "theres a note with my mobile number on it if she remembers anything thats needed " so she MUST HAVE assumed I wrote that note to the yaya! .. and the note ended with "MAHAL KITA !" 

So ... after finding out what I did wrong.. I just casually asked my wife...

"Honey, what time does our yaya arrive ?" She said around noon....
Then I asked "What time did my friend need a ride to go get his money from the ATM?" She said it was around 7am

Then she smiled - and had no more tampo...
No need to even mention the note - she new she made a mistake and all was well again -   

sooo funny.... but...
Its our job to play Sherlock and figure these things out when they pop up...

If it wasnt for things like this... imagine how BORING our lives would be - hahaha

[audrey55]

Hahaha, you cracked me up dylanaz  so next time try to remember to address your wife's name in your love note otherwise you will get a lot of "tampo" specially if there's some women in the house, better be safe than sorry..... lol!

[B-Ray]

Hahaha, you cracked me up dylanaz  so next time try to remember to address your wife's name in your love note otherwise you will get a lot of "tampo" specially if there's some women in the house, better be safe than sorry..... lol!

Take note guys!!!

Here's a Lady that ~~KNOWS~~ her people!! 

[Marko]

Interesting posts about TAMPO's...I have not had the pleasure of a TAMPO with my gf yet.  We have chatted on line via webcam now for 3 months and I visited her in mid August, its like I'm in heaven with her, with all that said I take it someday the gate will open up me and here comes a TAMPO.  But my gf and I really communicate very well, I mean its almost scary how well we do, so I think if a TAMPO does come up it will be a mild one...  hope...