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Investigate a Filipina You Love

Some guys are so lonesome, they just rejoice that anyone will marry them, put up with them, and have a kind word for them.

If you saw the classic comedy, “Some like It Hot," with Jack Lemon, Joe E. Brown and Tony Curtis, you may remember the final scene. It illustrated humorously the desperation of the aging millionaire, played by Joe E. Brown, comedian of yesteryear. Joe E Brown was famous for his unending wide smile. Earlier in the movie, Joe E. picked up and romanced Tony Curtis in drag, proposed marriage to him. Tony was no "queen," only in drag, dressed as a sexy young woman. Why was the handsome young man dresses so if her were not gay. Tony and is friend, played by Jack Lemmon found it was the only way a dirt poor male musician could get a job was in a "girl's band." Girl's band were very popular at that time, I think the 20's. Of course, Tony could not pull the scam any longer when in the boat with Joe E. Brown on his way to Joe E's waiting yacht to be married.

Tony Curtis said, "Sir, I got to tell you something."

Joe E. said, “Shoot honey," he broadly smiled and steered his speeding sailboat towards the lengthy yacht.

Tony said, "Sir, I hate to tell you this . . . but, err. Err, uh, I am a man! I am so sorry but I had to do it to get a job in a band, not to deceive you."

Joe E, smile his usual wide smile, not taking his eyes off the looming yacht he was speeding toward hand steady on the wheel. His smile still broad as he unflinching responded, "Nobody's perfect."

It was a perfect ending for a comedy classic or maybe a comic tragedy if it happened to you really. But our life's commitments, no mater what a great sense of humor we may have, how tolerant we are, is not always comedic. There are some serious decisions to make, especially when it comes to permanent binding relationships.

We all know is hard indeed to accept your "honey" on the Net is really a guy. That is more than a turn off, may make your blood boil. And if you have send money to buy drugs for the "girls," you may think of getting a gun. It is almost as hard if she is married and in cahoots with her husband bilking many foreigners. It is hard if she is put up to deceiving you and others by her boyfriend, family or some older woman who has power over her as often the case in the Philippines. Filipinas do what "auntie" or what ever older woman who guides them says. And auntie could be greedy, working like a "mamasan" but working the Net, not the streets. It is the same thing, has the same evil results for you and the Filipina.

No mater how hard it is you owes it to yourself to have your friend checked out. Even if you come here meet the girl here, you may not know. I married a girl who I though had never been married (she had not) but found out two years later she had three children. And that was after we moved to the States. She lied about her age, here businesses, her jobs, or maybe it was just an exaggeration. She did have a store, but it was not as she implied like Rustan's or Bloomingdale's. It was an under stocked sari sari store with holes in the road in front of it so deep people and jeeps could not past, cattle could drown in the rainy season. I did not care she was broke. It was the constant lies or "exaggerations." I was in so deep it took me seven years to get out. Finally I got her a job as a stock broker where exaggeration paid big money and we both were happy when our divorce finally came through. She returned to the Philippines and married the married father of her children. Then she got him to the States. Then he left her and then got his wife and other children to the States. I was not there for that soap opera, thank goodness but over here, swearing never to get married again. But you know the guys who say "Never!" are the first ones to fall. It took me about two years for my second Filipina. But that is for another time. If only I would not have counted on the US State Department's cursory investigation. To bad I was not advised and was not smart enough to have someone who was professional and cared enough to find the truth for me. Then I would not have lost those important years with someone who was using me.

If you are a woman marring someone you meet in the Net you need to know too. Is the man marrying you for nefarious reasons? If so, it is so hard to tell. And maybe you are so much in love, like Joe E in the movie, you just don't care. But Joe E. had no alternative at hand nor do most in the States. Here there are many available women who would like to marry decent, kind and loving foreigners and not only for money and personal gain.

There are just too many good women here to be swindled by one of the few bad ones. I know how hard it is, how quickly men are to forgive, how they think they can change a bad girl to be good. But why not make it easy on yourself. Maybe you can't think of it this way because of your cultural conditioning in the States. You can change your thinking to help someone else. You can reward a decent girl with you love and affection, one who will appreciate you, really love you. You think you are no prize. He you are, a foreigner in the Philippines.

Even if you have a lot invested in your present relationship you need to bite the bullet and check out your friend, mate, or spouse. Successful people cut their losses short; know how to take a loss. That is the main difference between those who are happy and those who are not. It is okay to lose a little and be able to get in the game again and win what you want, need and deserve.

I live here. I know there is more than one woman here for you who are just what you want, who will make your life happier, who will make you swoon and make you a good kind decent honest loyal girlfriend or wife. Don't grab the first one who says yes just because you "need" someone. If you "need," you will probably grab the first one you ask if you do as even one. Most on the Net will say yes, if not immediately, soon enough. And they may say send money too. Or they may wait until later when they have your trust to mention they are a little short of cash, or that the carabao died. "Oh, she never asked me for money, not a cent”. I hear that so often but if I ask if they ever sent any, "Oh, yes, but not much, She needed tuition for school, some transportation money and she lives far out. She had some medical problems too. So did her mom. Yes, I sent some but she never asked for a centavo”! She did not have to!

When you make a permanent investment of your emotions, time and money in a relationship be sure you do it with a person who deserves what you want to give. You are valuable, especially in a country where all the men are not noted for being as kind and generous as Westerners.

Too many foreigners get burned, scared, hurt badly and it need not be that way. Yes, it hurts badly if you are one of the one out of five who found they are involved with a married woman who is lying to them, a gay passing himself as a woman, or a girl who's only looking for a ticket out of the country to meet her boyfriend in your country. But it hurts more if you get more involved, consummate the permanent commitment, only to find out later things are not as you see them. Take my advice and the advice of most others on the groups, at least the wise ones and the dumb ones like me, more than once burned.

I have a friend who came over recently for the eighth time, this time to stay. We talked yesterday. He is here for good now, just rented a condo he loves. On his eight trips visiting here and when in the States he interacted almost exclusively with Internet girls. He estimated that more than 90 percent were involved in some kind of scam. And 90 percent we put up to it by others. This he found sometimes before but mostly when he came her and met the girls, not just in Manila, Cebu and Davao, but even in the smaller cities. Maybe your "Net friend" is in that 10 percent of "good girls." But remember, it is not the Filipina style for the woman to search for a male. They are by culture, pakipot, play or are hard to get. And just being on the Net, having access to it puts them in a different category than the average Filipina.

Don Herrington August, 2009

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